Resolution
And so ends the simultaneously longest and fastest year of our lives. A year of quiet resilience, months lost in the virtual blink of an eye, and oppressive, enduring anxiety. As I write we’re scaling back our already modest and barely formed new year’s eve plans, as Melburnians again begin to track community transmission of COVID-19.
But today I made my 366th picture for the year. This might be the first time in my life that I have seen a new year’s eve resolution through to its conclusion. As I’ve written before, the project started as an effort to prioritise my photography practice but it’s become so much more. If nothing else, in 2020 I can say I did this. I do wonder that without the pressure of the pandemic, and Melbourne’s long lockdown, whether I would have stuck to it. The need to produce something amidst the tediousness acted as a crucial motivating factor.
Admittedly, as December wore on the last few weeks have been a slog, with a lot of last ditch evening walks to find a picture. Thank goodness for daylight saving. This month has been characterised by a quiet determination to see the project through, if fewer highlights. As the number of days left in the year dwindled, I started to set a higher standard. Surely the second last picture of the project should be better than that?! So, I haven’t quite got over my need for perfectionism.
My social media feeds are reasonably full of people listing their 2020 highlights, how they’ve grown, or what they’ve learnt about themselves. While this whole website serves as my highlights list, here’s a few more happy memories from the challenging year that was 2020.
Noticing the way light slides along buildings and tram tracks on my walks before and after work.
Getting up early enough to catch the pink in the sky.
Reflections that act as double exposures.
Tracking the incremental changes in our garden.
Peeking into other people’s gardens.
Dogs on morning walks.
Dogs in shop windows.
Our perfectly cranky cat and his deepening separation anxiety.
Indulging in the nostalgia of old playlists.
While my confidence in photographing people hasn’t improved, I do have a better understanding of light. How it moves and changes. When to make a picture and when not to bother. Ironically, my memory has no trouble recalling the photos I didn’t make. The reflections and lights from the apartment blocks which surround our house (the angles are never right). Shafts of the sunrise on old books about movie stars (I didn’t want to wake up the rest of the house) and the sunset on the section of the bookshelf which houses my Ali Smith novels (never quite turns out like I hope). Split seconds on the street when I was too slow to act or didn’t feel at ease to pull out the camera. Nonetheless, I know I’ve improved as a photographer this year, and for that I am proud.
I don’t plan to set firm resolutions for 2021. It’s been too difficult to commit to any sort of plan this year and that won’t magically change overnight. The conclusion or resolution of the calendar year won’t resolve the world’s problems, of course, nor our small everyday ones.
I do hope to improve my writing, discover new music, to incorporate more storytelling into my images, and to find new ways to challenge my creativity. Mostly, I plan to be kind. To myself, to my family and friends, and to this world. I think we could all do with a little more kindness.
Happy New Year.